


Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

by HeatofDestiel



Series: Online Angel [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4353107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeatofDestiel/pseuds/HeatofDestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*THIRD STORY CONTINUING FROM TRAIL THAT LEADS ME BACK TO YOU- YOU MUST READ THAT ONE TO UNDERSTAND PARTS OF THIS STORY*<br/>Dean and Castiel have left New York ready to begin the healing process in Kansas. Dean back working on cars with Bobby, things are looking up as Sam returns for summer break alone, but what about Cas? Have all wounds truly begun to heal? How haunting is the past they are running from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back To Kansas, Back to Chaos

*******I'm Back!!! Now I won't be shocked if people don't follow along with this story, I mean come on who wants to read all of my works in a row just to read this one? IT WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU DID THOUGH!! Enjoy, let me know if you like it.*******

 

They stayed in New York for four more weeks, put up in a fancy hotel given the full star studded treatment the men were asked question after question about everything that happened. They gave interviews, were used in posters and became one of the most talked about couples in the nation. Their last day started off with Castiel falling out of bed after another nightmare, the smack of his body hitting the floor awoke Dean who was use to this. The nightmares had haunted Cas making sleeping a war zone for him, once within the terror of his own mind nothing could pull him out except for the calming rocking that occurred once Dean pulled him into his lap, holding his arms tight to his body attempting to protect them both from Castiel's swinging fists.

Dean lifted him softly back onto the bed, running his fingers through the chocolate brown hair humming softly and rocking back and forth slowly.

“Dean he is coming for me.” Cas cried heavily into his shoulder

“Don’t worry I have you, I won’t let him ever hurt you again. I got you.” Pressing delicate kisses along Cas’ head they sat like that until the call that their flight would be leaving in two hours

Upon getting up Castiel held his head down “I am sorry I woke you up again.”

Dean pulled Cas over to him, lifted his chin and made sure they were making eye contact “Listen to me, don’t ever apologize. I told you I am here for you and I am more than happy to be with you through those nightmares. I like holding you Cas, I like knowing I can still help you.”

Cas nodded “We should probably get ready to leave.” He pulled out of Dean’s grasp and began packing

Dean watched him, knowing that tomorrow night everything would be different. He had forgotten the joy he felt when Cas was in his arms watching him fall asleep and know that while he was in his arms Dean didn’t have to worry he knew exactly where his beloved was and that he was in no harm's way. Unaware of what was to come Dean did the only thing he could in that moment and grabbed his suitcase.

\---

Bobby picked the two up from the airport, offering them rooms at his place until they could find decent apartments to live in. Dean spoke with Bobby about the shop and how it had been running without the star mechanic, along with the new recruit a scrawny kid come up from Texas named Garth. Bobby told Dean he would have to watch Garth like a hawk, make sure he doesn't screw up any customers cars or make a mess of the shop. Castiel sat in the back looking out the window trying to block out the conversation of the rough men, attempting to focus on his own thoughts. His stance on things had changed and his future ahead looked rocky.

The three men walked into the old creaking house, splintering off to find their own rooms, Dean going straight for the room he and Sam use to share when they were younger, was confused as Cas set his things down into the spare guest room across the hall.

“Cas? Everything okay?” Dean asked stepping into the hallway leaning against the banister around the stairs

“Yeah. Just tired, I am going to take a nap I will uh see you later.”

“You want me to lay down with you?”

“No, it's okay.” Castiel shut the door, avoiding the eyes that stared directly into him he knew things would only be a bigger mess when he emerged from his room later

\--

Dean sighed as the lock on the door click, making his way downstairs and to the fridge to grab a beer.

“You think that's a smart choice boy?”

“It’s one beer Bobby, come on.”

“Yeah and you are in recovery aren't you?” The older man walked over and took the beer from his hands “This isn’t something to play around with Dean, this is your life you got people who care about you, who need you.”

“I know that believe me Bobby I do but do I really have to stop drinking entirely?”

“Do you want Cas to stay in your life? You said things were going well with him, fast track to perfection again.”

Dean rubbed his face, sitting at the table “I don’t know he is acting weird, has been all day. I don’t know what's happening we were doing just fine but he woke up and he just I am worried things aren't okay anymore.”

Bobby placed his hand on Dean's shoulder “Talk to him about it okay? Don’t go assuming things you Winchesters love jumping to conclusions and getting upset. Come with me out to the shop, relax under the hood of a car and you will see him when you get back in.”

Nodding both left the house and made their way to the shop where Rufus one of the managers was cursing “God Damnit Garth! You leave your damn shit out again and I will have your ass on a platter.”

“Rufus don't say that crap! Explain what the hell happened in here.”

“Damn kid left his tools on the floor, not even in a box! Left em right in the path!” Rufus hollard walking around a large truck, finally noticing that Dean stood beside him, hands hanging out of his pockets

“Well I’ll be damned. Dean Winchester! Back in town for good?” Rufus wrapped his arms around the boy “How much weight have you lost holy shit it's like you disappeared! Let me guess that boyfriend of yours turned you into one of those vegans right?”

Leave it to Rufus, an old as dirt crazy conspiracy theorist to not hear one of the biggest scandals of the year or learn of Dean's drug addiction. Dean laughed smacking Rufus on the back

“Ex boyfriend, and no I just had some troubles but I am all good now.”

“No shit, what happened with you two? He still in New York?”

“Actually he is upstairs, and don't worry about it we are friends no hard feelings.”

“Huh good luck with that one I could never do it.”

Dean raised his eyebrow as Rufus left the shop dragging Bobby along with him. Hearing clunking from a far corner of the shop he made his way back there while the boy who he assumed to be Garth sat on the floor covered in oil

Dean stifled a laugh and offered his hand out, Garth smiled and took his hand holding onto it once right way up again.

“You have very nice eyes.” Garth said staring

“Thank you, I’m Dean.” They both smiled

“The Dean? Like Bobby's son?”

“Well adopted you could say, so yea that Dean.” He couldn't help but laugh

“Wow it's so nice to meet you, Bobby always talks about you. I'm Garth by the way, sorry forgot to say that it's just I never thought I would meet you.”

Dean smiled at the sweet nature of the younger boy, whose hand he had still not let go of.

**Being back in Kansas had already caused major shifts, both good and bad.**


	2. Smother Me in Pillow Talk

*******Woohoo, chapter two. Sorry y'all I will prob post more tomorrow but I am sorta out of it tonight. Enjoy!*******

 

Dean helped Garth finish up the car he was working on then invited him back inside where they sat down.

****

“Bobby said you had moved out to New York! What was it like? Did you meet anyone rich and famous?”

****

Dean paused and then nodded “Yeah uh I bet you heard about the guy I met, Dick Roman. He was a senator.”

****

“You met him? He is the one who used that poor kid right? Knocked him around and stuff boy that made me mad, can't stand people like that. Had a neighbor growing up who use to hit around his wife terrible guy got life in prison when he smacked his kid in public so hard he near died.” Garth shook his head, silent for a moment before things clicked “You aren't that Dean are you? The one he tried to kill and all?”

****

“Yea. The one and only.”

****

“I-I am sorry if I said something wrong, I didn-”

****

Dean held his hand up “Don’t worry about it. No harm done.” He smiled “Can't linger in the past right?”

****

Garth nodded looking around the kitchen they sat in “Your dad was pretty close with Bobby?”

****

“Yeah, Bobby was my dad’s only friend. Treated us like his own kids, gave me a job when I needed one, looked after Sam and I once our dad died.”

****

“Bobby is a great guy. He helped me get my apartment once I came through, knew exactly what I needed to hear, great guy.”

****

Dean nodded, watching the thin man ring his hands taking a peek at his watch

****

“Well Dean, this has been fun but I have to head back to my place. See you tomorrow?” Standing he smiled down at Dean

****

“See you tomorrow” Dean stood putting his hand out expecting a handshake but instead felt the slender arms wrap around him tightly and boney hands pat his back

****

“I’m a hugger. See you around” Garth called over his shoulder as he walked out, leaving Dean with a small smile, shaking his head at the odd character

****

\--

****

Castiel sat holding his knees to his chest breathing slowly, this was the first time he had awoken from a nightmare without Dean to comfort him. He hated the way he was feeling but he knew he had to do this, he had to calm his own frayed nerves, he would not give in to the overwhelming sensation to run and find his safety, his Dean.

He cried into his knee caps, pounding his head into them trying to forget the visions from his nightmare that lingered. Everytime his eyes closed Dicks hands were barreling down at him, grabbing his throat slowly killing him. It felt as though death was his only option, he had to let Dick slaughter him, let the torture end the way he had envisioned it nearly every day the abuse continued.

Shaking he stood trying to gather his thoughts pacing close to the door, on the verge of opening it and vowing to be strong another time he turned on his heel and headed to the window watching someone, a young man leave the house clapping his hands as he walked toward a small car down the road. Cas brought his hand to his mouth and began chewing away at his non-existent nails, sparking the bright iron taste against his lips as his fingers began to bleed.

****

“Fuck!” He shouted out kicking the wall hard enough to knock over a picture frame that sat on the dresser “That's just great, just wonderful.” Storming over he picked the frame up noticing it was a much younger Dean sitting on the hood of his old impala, he couldn't have been older than 12 with a crooked smile and longer hair.

Calming down a bit Cas sat on the bed caressing the picture, looking at the far less defined jaw and cheesy grin that was reminiscent of the boy he had first fallen for ages ago as a naive teenager. He loved Dean and he would never stop, and he truly had to fight the urge to be with him but he was starting to understand how badly he needed to be single. He hadn’t been alone since he was 15, he didn't know what it felt like to be his own person and he felt he had to experience that to truly be able to be with someone else.

****

\--

****

Dean had been standing outside of the wooden door for ten minutes, trying to think of what to say, how to word his questions correctly so he wouldn't upset Castiel. He ran his hand through his hair and back down to rest over his mouth

****

“You look at that door any longer you will burn holes in it.” Bobby said leaning against the wall down the hall “You will figure it out along the way, you two always have. Just listen to him and hear him out remember he might not be ready for anything you are.”

****

Clearing his throat his knuckles pounded against the door anxious to see if Cas was even awake.

****

“Hey- uh Cas? You up? We need to talk about something.”

****

Cas opened the door standing in the open space, his eyes sent a silent scream to Dean that already told him that he suffered from a nightmare.

****

“Hello Dean.”

****

“You okay?” Dean raised his hand, moving to cup Castiel cheek but met dead air as Cas took a step back

****

“I am fine, you wanted to talk?” Cas turned away walking back into the room, sitting on the bed

****

“It can wait if you have something bigger going on.” Dean took a seat beside him, resting his hand on his shoulder

****

“What do you consider big?”

****

“Anything that is on your mind. I want to know everything Cas you know that.” Cas rested his head onto Dean's shoulder

****

“I am confused Dean. What are we? Where are we going? How can we ever be what we use to be?”

****

Dean sighed thinking over the same questions Cas had asked “We are Cas and Dean, we are going wherever we have to go and we don’t have to be what we use to be, we can be something better.” He turned toward Cas softly brushing his cheek with his thumb “I know this is weird for us, but it's going to all work out. We just can't push ourselves into things, just let things flow however they go and we will take this as slow as you want.” Dean placed a soft kiss onto Castiel's cheek “I never want you to feel like I am rushing you, I am here for you Cas I just want you to be happy even if I can't make you happy anymore.”

****

Castiel pressed his lips against Dean's. He had missed this Dean, not the cocky full of himself man who put on a show for everyone to see but the sweet soft delicate whispering man who kept every secret he was ever told and spent the nights holding him.

Cas gave in to his heart’s pleading cries and allowed himself to have this last night with Dean. Not a moment passed that he regretted as Dean once again touched his body and brought him gentle pleasure that ended just as it always did. Dean's rough calloused fingers trailed down the exposed skin of Cas’ side, tracing small hearts and swirls as Dean's ragged voice rocked through his chest

****

“I love you Castiel.”

****  
Castiel's blue eyes stared into the darkness on the other side of the room, he knew that in the morning he would have to break Dean's heart.** **


	3. Loss of Something Old

******* I am so sorry for not posting these past few days, just been in a funk with some writers block! Thank you to those who have commented and read, I really appreciate it all! Please enjoy this chapter, I will attempt to pump out another tonight!!*******

 

****

Waking up Dean was alone surprised not to have been up sooner by Castiel, walking to the bathroom he was surprised once again to not see him anywhere in site.

“Ey Bobby! You know where Cas went?” Dean hollered down the steps as he slipped on a clean shirt

“He went apartment hunting a while ago. Said he wanted to walk around town, find his own way.”

“And you let him go by himself?” Dean was suddenly whirling around searching for his keys

“Relax, he took a map, his cell phone and the actual address of a place I figured he would like.”

Dean clenched his fists trying to drive away all negative urges he was feeling

“Can I get the address?” Dean slid his coat on

Bobby took a moment looking at Dean, the expression of betrayal and confusion written across his face was like a punch to the gut, grabbing some paper he scribbled the address down pausing as he placed it into the younger man’s hand

“Remember what I said boy, he might not be ready for what you want.”

Dean paused for a moment, could Bobby be right? No after what he and Cas did last night things must be better I mean why would Cas sleep with him one night and hate him the next? Making his way out to Baby he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, he didn't want to think of them and the possibility Bobby was right.

\---

The place was small and cold as Castiel stepped through it with a short bald man who obviously wanted to get rid of this place. A one bedroom, one bath with no working stove but it was cheap enough Cas would be able to afford it by himself and keep some of his paycheck to save for car eventually.

“I’ll take it, when can I move in?”

“Tomorrow, just come fill out some more paper work.” The man groaned as he looked around “I left it in the car, wait here, look around if you want.” He stormed out into the cold misty air of the abnormally cold end of May day.

Castiel wondered into the bedroom, noticing the carpet pulling up in one corner and what looked like burned wall paper, probably from a cigarette being put out on it. He began to think of the possibilities he could have with this room as his fresh start to decorate for the person he was becoming, a smile forming on his lips as someone walked into the room. Turning his heart sank and a knot formed in his stomach looking at the leather jacket covered crossed arms

“Nice place here Cas.” Dean's voice was filled with fake joy coated in bitterness that stung

“It is very nice. I hope you will come visit me… but I understand if you don’t.” Cas shuffled staring at his feet only taking a small glance up to catch the tightened jaw and slick finger over his bottom lip, something Cas only saw on a handful of occasions

“I’m not following what you are doing anymore. Ya know all these mixed signals it's giving me a freaking headache. Tell me what you want because I can’t figure it out.”

“Dean...I” Castiel took a moment to collect his thoughts “I don’t think it would be very smart if we spent time together, we need space remember you said that. I can’t date anyone, especially you Dean it would be too hard.”

“Too hard? Too hard? Okay okay sure uh is it because of last night?”

“No.”

“What is it Cas? Is it because I did drugs is that it? I won't do them again you gotta trust me on that.”

“Dean no! That's not why. I just, I need space and it would be hard to have space and know who I am when you are always around me. I need to figure myself out again.” Cas stepped closer to Dean, taking his hands “This will be good for you too, we both need this, please, I need this.”

“Yeah and I need you but you can't stand being around me. I get it. Whatever Castiel wants Castiel gets who gives a fuck about Dean.” He slapped his hands away and turned to leave before slamming his foot down and turning back to Cas “I love you and all you do is shit on me, you don't give a damn about how much you are hurting anyone, even me someone you say you love. I hope you find whatever you are looking for because God knows I have tried to give you it but apparently it will never be right.”

Castiel had tears in his eyes as he watched Dean leave, sliding down he knelt covering his face this was never what he wanted. He hadn’t known his new life came at the cost of once again losing Dean.

\--

Dean slammed the door gripping the steering wheel while biting the inside of his cheek. His mind went straight back to New York, the grimy streets and the one thing that calmed his nerves knowing exactly how to comfort his frazzled mind. Taking another second to try and figure out where he could get his hands on heroin he realized that it was probably nearly impossible to get since he was hours away from the nearest big city. Settling on his next best solution Dean began driving, knowing he wouldn't be making it back to Bobby's place.

\---

Cas signed the papers, it was all said and done but as he walked back to Bobby's he let his tears flow and his mind go numb. Dean was right of course, Cas hadn't fully comprehended the amount of damage this would do he had convinced himself that Dean would understand his feelings and be perfectly okay with the choices he had made. The second the door closed Bobby popped his head around the corner but looked displeased to see Castiel, had Dean told him what happened?

“Bobby is something wrong?”

Bobby sighed wringing his hat out in his hands “Dean comin inside in a few minutes right? He is with you?”

“No? He didn’t take today very well, he left an hour before me in his car, he isn't here?” Castiel now became worried

“Crap! That boy is going to put me into an early grave.” Running his hand through his thin hair and placing his cap back on his head Bobby picked up the phone on the wall “I’m going to call around see if anyone has seen him. Go grab Garth from the shop and take a car out to look for him.”

Castiel nodded jogging out to the shop to be greeted by the lanky man “Dean missing?” He said

Cas was a little taken back “How did you know?”

“Second I saw him take off I knew it wasn't going to be a pretty day, that guy is easy to read.” Garth lead Cas out to his lemon of a car

Silently Cas sat in the passenger seat, he had never been able to read how Dean was feeling unless it was blatantly put in front of him in neon letters. **For the first time Castiel felt what he only recognized as jealousy.**


	4. Drunken Kisses

*******Yayyy new Chapter timeeee woohoo enjoy yall*******

 

After an hour of driving around Bobby called Castiel and told him Dean was at some bar on the other side of town; Garth and Cas made their way to the hole in the wall bar that smelled about as bad as it looked. Half of the lights were broken or blown out, stools and chairs scattered the floors in splinters obviously the victims of unruly bar fights, and the patrons who sat at the dust and dirt covered counters glared at the two younger men as they walked in, letting light stream in from the door.

“You the boys Bobby sent?” The gravel voiced bar keep muttered from behind the bar

Nodding they searched the room and discovered the body huddled in a back booth to be the very, extremely drunk Dean.

“Thank you kindly sir. Sorry if he caused any trouble.” Garth smiled at the surly man as he threw one of Dean's arms around his shoulders hoisting him up

“He didn’t pay for all the booze he drank.”

Garth nodded slowly, smile still on his face as he fished out his wallet and handed the man $50 “Keep the change, thank you for helping us. We will get out of your hair now.” Garth motioned for Castiel to take Dean's other side but he still felt that he was holding up most of the limp weight of the man

Carrying Dean out and setting him in the back of the car Garth climbed in with him causing a spark of anger to erupt in Castiel “What are you doing?”

“Gotta readjust him, can leave him on his back he could choke.” Garth replied missing the snark in Cas’ words

Dean shrugged awake, obviously confused and out of his mind “What's happening?”

“Don’t worry Dean, I am gunna get ya back to Bobby's okay?”

“Oh hey Garth! You have a drink? I’ll get you a drink.” Dean moved to get up but only found himself leaning up against Garth

Laughing a bit Garth patted Dean's back “Don’t worry, I got a drink but it's time to head home don't you think?”

Dean nodded still against the plaid shirt of his friend “Yes we should do that. Great idea I like that.” Garth lead Dean's body back down, lying on his side before he got out of the car noticing now the sour look on Cas’ face

They drove quietly aside from a few mumbles from Dean that both couldn’t understand. Once they pulled into the driveway Bobby walked over to the car and helped Garth pull Dean out and hold him up. Looking around Dean caught sights of Cas and narrowed his eyes

“Why are you still here huh! Came to hurt me some more? Go ahead! I should be use to it by now!” Dean's words may have been slurred but still they cut into Castiel

“Dean, maybe now isn't a great time.” Garth suggested cutting off the eye contact of the two

“Now is a great time to do this though.” Dean smiled and pulled forward out of Bobby's grasp and kissed Garth short and roughly. What was more surprising to the witnesses was that Garth did not pull away but reciprocated and once finished merely helped Dean into the house on his own leaving Bobby and Cas in shock outside

\---

“What the hell was that” Bobby muttered turning to Cas who looked like the wind had just been kicked out of him

“I-I don’t know but um I am gunna take a walk.” walking out of the driveway Cas let his feet lead him, knowing the last place he wanted to be was in that house

-

Hours past and Castiel found himself sitting in a park on a rust covered swing alone. He had no clue what to do with himself or with the images that kept replaying in his mind. The moment Dean's lips, lips that had previously been reserved for Castiel only touched those of Garth. Garth someone Dean had barely known, had just met and was now kissing full force in public! He was a nice guy, seemed to be someone Bobby got along well with but Cas couldn't believe that Dean would just kiss a guy that fast… granted Dean was drunk but he knew well enough that Dean did the things he was scared to do sober while he was drunk.

Cas pulled his phone out, no new messages or texts or anything from anyone asking where he was or how he was. His face was hot and his hands itched to tell someone about the events and his emotions but he knew that none of his people wanted to hear about the newest Dean drama in his life since as Gabe had said last time they spoke “It happened too frequently and too drastically to keep up with and follow.”

Castiel stood pacing waging an inner thought war behind those blue eyes. Giving in he pulled out his phone and hit the name he never thought he would hit again.

-

Garth sat beside Dean, gently trailing through the dark blonde hair and patting a wet cloth onto the clammy forehead he watched the older man whose eyes were closed. He had no idea what Dean would do while sober but he would enjoy these moments for as long as he could. Laying down he placed himself around the slender frame, taking in the deep scent found in Dean's shoulder, gently rubbing the exposed hipbone in small circles Garth liked this, being so close to someone and getting to care for them especially someone he knew was as broken as Dean.

Suddenly a knock came from the door and Garth’s head spun around making eye contact with Bobby. The older man shook his head with a heavy sigh but said nothing in response to what he had seen. Garth cursed under his breath knowing he would be hearing an earful from Bobby whenever he got out of bed with Dean. The realization that Bobby was not the only witness hit Garth at that moment too and he prayed that Castiel didn’t hate him.

****  
  



	5. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Digitally

*******Actually really excited to see y'all's reactions to the next few chapters (not that I have them typed, just ideas!) Enjoy*******

 

****

The sleek car pulled up as the air in Castiel's throat suddenly tightened. Had he made the right choice? He had no time to ponder before the long legs emerged from the car and were walking towards him

“Took you longer than I expected. What happened? Lover boy die on you or something?” Dicks voice was as cold as Cas remembered as the slender fingers stroked down his cheek

“No. We uh we had a fight and then he well he kissed someone else. Someone he barely knew. Can you believe that?”

“Of course I can, Castiel you knew he wasn't good for you, that's why you left him in the first place. You know I am the person you belong with and you can't fight it forever.” Dick slid his arm around Cas’ waist pulling him tight to his side “Now lets get you some dinner.”

They sat side by side in the back of the car, Dick holding his knee tightly “You know, he wouldn't have flown to you immediately if you had asked.”

Cas nodded “I know Dick, you know how to take care of me. But I can't be in a relationship I know that.”

Dick laughed “Of course not, but I am here for you right? So you aren't going to not give me anything in return for all the good things I am doing for you.” his hand moved up the muscular thigh and Castiel understood exactly what Dick now meant

“I-I mean I guess you are right.” Cas smiled shakily putting his hand over Dicks

Leaning away Dick undid his work pants and pushed them down staring into the wide blue eyes “Come on Cas, just like old times right?”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, the flash of Garth and Dean kissing came forth with the emotions of jealousy and hatred along with them. Leaning forward he did what he had to do, he knew he had to be whatever Dick wanted, he needed to get Dean to care again.

\---

Dean's head was killing him and he knew that vomit would soon come the second he sat up. Looking he saw a wastebasket with a towel beside it waiting for him, he eagerly grabbed the bucket and shoved his head into it and proceeded to stay that way for the next 20 minutes as his body expelled the poison he had shoved into it. After a cold shower, fresh clothes and a vigorous teeth brushing session Dean made his way down to the empty kitchen grabbing a cup of coffee before heading out to the shop.

“Dean! You feelin better?” Garth asked wiping his hands off in a rag and walking over

“Yeah, sorta went on a bender didn't I?” Dean asked scratching the back of his neck and while staring at Garth Dean remembered his actions and in a split second decision he stepped forward and gently kissed Garth's cheek

The smile on Garth's face grew ten times larger “Don’t worry right? Everyone is alright now.”

“How pissed is Bobby?”

“Pretty mad, you should go talk to him before he finds you. I’ll see you later, we can talk right?” Garth began to walk away still smiling

Dean nodded sending a smile to him in return then going off to the office to find Bobby. Figures he would be sitting at his desk head burrowed in the newest catalog

“Ey Bobby.” Dean walked in slowly

“Well if it isn't Mr. Runoff number 1.” Bobby slapped the catalog shut

“What do you mean?” Dean groaned as he sat down, his body aching

“Cas never came back after your little stunt yesterday. No clue where that kid ran off to but I am sick of this whole thing Dean. You gotta keep your freaking promises or you will end up dead by 30. You want to put your brother and me through that?”

“What Bobby of course not!”

“Than start acting that way! No more drinking! No more drugs! No more fucking around!” Bobby yelled in Deans face

“I am trying! He just- he drives me insane.”

“Don’t blame this on him. He didn’t send you into that bar yesterday, you did that. You could have just came home and worked on a car but you chose to go into that place.”

Dean looked away and bit into his lip. He knew Bobby was hitting the nail on the head and that things would never get better if Dean kept blaming his problems on Cas.

“And this whole thing with Garth? You better figure that out because I can’t lose another man. Do you actually like him or was that just some idiotic stunt for you to make Cas jealous?”

“I like Garth, All I did was kiss the kid, that’s not that bad. It’s not like I fucked the kid.”

“Pull it together Dean. Get out of my office and get to work. Hung over or not you have a job to do.”

As Dean stood he knew he would be doing a lot of thinking today that would contribute to the headache he already had.  

-

Castiel woke up in some hotel room entangled in bedsheets beside Dick. His hands covered his face realizing he had in fact had sex with him last night after being offered his bed. Castiel went to the bathroom and noticed the hickeys that covered his chest and he found himself in yet another moment of self reflection.

This was the wrong choice, he had gone back to the person he was running from and it was going to be even harder to get rid of Dick this time. And Dean? Well Dean shouldn't even care he had Garth now. Stupid Garth, and that stupid fucking kiss that sent Cas back here to this place. It was all their fault. Cas rinsed his face and walked back into the bedroom, climbing into the bed and biting Dick’s neck Castiel awoke him.

“What’s got you all hot and bothered this morning?” Dick smirked opening his eyes slowly

“I just want you to fuck me, is that so bad?”

Dick pinned Castiel down “Whatever you ask for babe.”

Cas leaned over and set his phone onto the side table, he would get Dean’s attention and Garth would mean nothing once again.


	6. Break Down Against Something New

*******An early chapter for y'all. Love reading your comments, glad my loyal few are so active!!! Enjoy!!*******

 

The day went by quickly and before the two knew it Dean and Garth were walking out of the shop heading up to Deans room to talk about themselves. Sitting upon the bed Dean watched the thin man sit cross legged across from him, a smile firmly on his face.

****

“So Garth, what do you want to talk about?”

****

“Anything you want to talk about Dean, although your actions from yesterday are probably the best starting point.”

****

Dean nodded “I’m sorry if you didn't like what I did yesterday, uh even though I was drunk it wasn’t a mistake. I like you and think you are great but things with Cas just went south and I know i'm not a good boyfriend and you probably don't like me that way but I forgot where I was going with this.”

****

Garth smiled, chuckling a little bit “Dean, we don’t have to be anything. I want to get to know you first, be your friend. I don’t rush into things without knowing a person. I enjoyed the kiss and wouldn't be upset if it happened again.” sliding over Garth sat beside Dean wrapping his arms around him and letting him rest against his chest “I bet you are a great boyfriend, don't be so hard on yourself Dean I think you are wonderful.”

****

Dean let himself hear Garth's words knowing on some level he was right. It felt good being held for once instead of the one holding another person, maybe Garth was on to something they had to build a friendship before defining themselves.

Deans pocket began buzzing, signalling a new message had been received. Reaching down he pulled out his cellphone noticing the message was from Cas, with a quick nod from Garth he opened it both staring at the screen caught off guard but what they were seeing.

****

They sat silently for the whole 2 minutes the video played until Garth grabbed the phone from Dean's hands and shoved it under the pillow. Dean was speechless and unnerved, his hands twitched and temper boiled as he went to stand but was stopped by Garth's strong grasp.

****

“Dean” His voice was soft and he knew nothing good was about to come

****

Dean turned to the gentle brown eyes and pounded his fists against the flat chest of the man who refused to let him deal with this alone. Pulling him in Garth forced Dean against his chest where the green eyes shed tears of pain, anguish and something indescribable that had to be released. Grabbing fistfuls of Garth's shirt Dean began to shout

****

“I didn't want this! I never wanted this for us! I tried! I tried so hard!”

****

“Yes you did Dean, you tried but obviously this man doesn't care about you! Don’t let him have this much control over you.”

****

“I love him so much.”

****

“Loving someone doesn't always mean you have to be with them. You need to protect yourself at some point Dean, please” Garth placed a hand firmly on the back of Dean's head and pressed his lips to into the hair “Let me take care of you Dean. You aren’t a machine or a prize to be won you deserve everything, the moon the sun anything but most of all you deserve someone who is going to take care of you and give you what you need. You can’t keep living your life taking care of the rest of the world.”

****

Dean let himself weep and lean against Garth for once he wanted to be weak, he couldn't be strong for another moment. The words only brought more tears to his eyes as he began to feel his heart pull apart and shatter for the last time caused by Castiel.

****

\---

****

He pulled his clothing on slowly, collecting his things turning to look at Dick who sat on the other side of the bed, scrolling through his emails.

****

“I bought an apartment, I am moving in today.” Castiel muttered

****

“Thats nice. Give my driver the address and he will take you there.”

****

“I need to go to Bobby’s, pick up some things and then I can go.”

****

“You need any spending money? For furniture?” Dick stood walking to Cas and kissing him

****

“If you want to give me some I won't say no.” Cas replied swinging his arms around Dicks neck

****

“I will but you will owe me.”

****

“Like that would be a bad thing.” Castiel smirked kissing Dick once more before lingering in front of the older mans face “The papers won't hear about this right? I can't have all that drama in my life again. Not right now.”

****

“No one will have a clue, but I cant wait for you forever.”

****

“Dont be so dramatic Dick, its not attractive.” Cas pulled out of his grasp and stretched out his limbs “I need to get going.”

****

Dick handed him a wad of cash “I’ll call you later on. Have fun shopping.”

****

Castiel nodded heading out to the car, counting out the $400 in cash he now held in his hand, knowing that Bobby’s house would be a war zone.

****

-

****

Garth and Dean sat together, the tear stains on Garth’s shirt drying while he rubbed the still shaking man both taking in the much needed bodily contact. Dean held tight to one of the warm hands toying with the fingers and the class ring that was easily spun around. They didn’t speak they let the words said earlier be enough for the day. Not after long Dean's eyes became heavy and he slipped into a much needed rest giving Garth the opportunity to hold him once again while he slept.

Garth had heard the front door open but assumed it was Rufus or Bobby who clunked around the bottom floor. When the door to the room he and Dean sat in opened he didn't bother turning his head, until he heard something loud and heavy drop. In the doorway stood Cas, eyes narrowed and arms crossed as he looked upon the scene. **Garth knew things were bad before and had just become far worse.**


	7. So Much For Family

*******College money deadlines have been stressing me the fuck out! Sorry for not updating sooner, I know, I suck. But Here is a new chapter for y'all, please enjoy.*******

 

****

The silence hung heavy as the men maintained eye contact. Castiel walked over observing Dean's sleeping form but to be stopped by Garth grabbing a tight on his shoulder

“I think it would be smart if you took a few steps back.” Garth’s voice was soft but clear he meant what he said

“You know you are just some sort of rebound right? Just something to fill his time, he will never feel the way he feels about me for you.”

“I hope he never feels about me the way he feels about you. You have devastated this boy, broken him. You are a real asshole you know that?”

Castiel kept the sour look on his face, unable to disput Garth’s word. He made a quick turn out of the room, knowing that this was just the beginning.

\---

Sam arrived in Kansas two days after Cas officially left Bobby’s place. After the frantic call from the surly older man who was deeply concerned about Dean’s sobriety and his sanity Sam knew he had to return back to Kansas. Jess had agreed that Sams summer would be best spent back home taking care of his brother and that she would stay in California to watch the apartment.

Setting his bags on the second bed in the room he and Dean shared as kids we went through Dean's things as much as he could without leaving a trace of being touched. He found nothing of interest and went searching for his brother.

“Dean?”

He heard laughter entering the house from outside and made his way downstairs. In the livingroom sat Bobby, Dean and Garth all covered in dust and other dirty colors.

“Sam, glad you made it!” Bobby stood walking over and giving Sam a large hug

“Heya Bobby.” Sam returned the hug before turning to Dean and pulling him into a tight one. He had missed his brother far more than he thought and had his own fears about the future that waited for them.

“Sammy what are you doing here?” Dean asked

“Thought a summer home would do me good, get back out here, get back to my roots.” Sam knew his brother didn’t buy a word of what he was saying and that he also wouldn't be called out in front of everyone else.

“Well okay then. This is Garth.” Dean motioned to the man beside him who stood and took a firm grasp on Sam’s hand

“Nice to meet you officially, we’ve spoke on the phone a couple times.”

Sam nodded smiling, trying to avoid Dean's side eye from where he now was on the other side of the room

“Well, I’m gunna take Garth back to the shop. Can you boys run out and grab something for dinner?”

Sam and Dean agreed, making their way out to Baby and getting in. They rode silently across town before settling on something they both wanted, waiting in the lobby they sparked a conversation

“How is Jess?” Dean asked

“She is alright, we both thought this would be a good choice, you know just a little separation.”

“Woah woah, separation? Like not together or just distance?”

Sam picked at his hand and scrunched his face “Things just got weird after we got home, she was worried about some things.”

“Like?” Dean asked knowing where this was going

“She was worried that I would do drugs like you or drop out of school or that- that we would end up like you and Cas.”

Dean scoffed, shaking his head side to side “Wow. Thats just great to hear. Just fan-freaking-tastic.”

“Dean wait-” Sam grabbed the bag off food of the counter before running after his brother who had begun storming out of the shop and was already starting the car “I know it sounds bad. How do you think it makes me feel huh? We are two totally different people and she just expects us to reflect you and him. He was an ass to you, I would never do that to her.”

“Don’t you call him that. He had his reasons for leaving, I was a jerk to him and I didn’t make him happy. I couldnt give him what he needed and Dick could okay? He is still a nice guy.”

“Don’t you make excuses like that for him! Dean you tried your hardest for him, you work yourself to the bone and you know what he did wasn’t fair to you.”

“Life isn’t fair Sammy, don't expect people to be, ever.”

“Thats not the point here! He treated you like crap and you need to get it into your head that that isnt okay! You can't let people treat you that way or else you're going to end up dead!”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek, jaw clenched tight as he turned from Sam and started the car “I’m going for a drive.” Was all he muttered to Sam before driving off, leaving him in the middle of the parking lot with no way home.

\---

Castiel had found some crappy pieces of furniture but at least they were cheap and he now had a full house, complete with the bed Bobby said he could keep. Dick stopped by the night before he flew out to god knows where and spent the night beside an equally sweaty and worn out Cas who had suddenly become very lively and aggressive in bed. He had left a note that Cas discovered once he woke up, alongside a good chunk of change for him to spend until Dick got back. Castiel strolled around his apartment lazily, he had nothing to do and no one to speak to. He chose to call Gabriel who he hadn’t spoke to in a while

“It’s about time you called. Thought you died out there.” Gabe didn’t sound usual, as if someone had managed to aggravate him

“Who clipped your wings this morning?”

“Very clever. I would have liked to hear about you going of the deep end by you yourself but I guess seeing it on Facebook is just as good right?” His voice was violent and bitter

“What the hell are you talking about this time?” Castiel was confused

“Oh just the pictures of Dick Roman in a Kansas airport looking like a man who just got laid, that's probably because you and him have been seeing each other again! Am I wrong Cas? Is it just a coincidence that just a few days after you arrive in Kansas Dick fucking Roman suddenly rushes there?”

“I don’t like your tone. Is it really any of your business?”

“You better be kidding. Castiel James Novak that man beat the ever living shit out of you, you are a national advocate for Domestic Abuse and you are running back to him! What the hell could have caused you to get that unnerved that you ran into his disgusting beating arms? Again? You know what? You are so far past the point of talking.”

“You don’t understand how Dean has treated me. He has a new boyfriend.”

“No he doesn’t you complete idiot! Dean called me the other day! Before you even told me anything was fucking happening let me remind you. You rejected him, then freaked out when he kissed another guy while being completely smashed! You are a spoiled fucking brat Castiel and I am glad you rejected him because he deserves someone better than you and you deserve everything you have coming in terms of Karma because what you have done to that kid isn’t right and you know it. Get over yourself before you call me again.”

And Castiel was left in silence, phone now sitting in his limp hand. Whatever he thought, Gabriel didn’t understand and no one was left on his side. Walking to the bedroom, slouching onto the bed thinking of the past several years. Grabbing a box from the side of the room he dug out his old sketch book, which hadn’t been touched very much since he met Dean and no longer needed a creative outlet to express all his emotions into. Flipping through the pages of angels he fell upon his last drawing the one he had made the night he pulled up to the Winchesters front door and his life changed forever. It was detailed, every hair, every freckle, even the glint of love in the eyes of the sketched out Dean that Cas knew by memory. 16 year old fresh faced Dean with a broad smile was in front of Castiel once again, reminding him of every first memory shared with the boy who became a man with him.

**Cursing under his breathe he flipped the page and found a pencil, he had to direct everything he was feeling in the moment and before he knew it the point was being drug against the paper.**


	8. Borrowed Feelings and a Borrowed Brother

*******Yay another Chapter and emotional development!*******

 

****

Sam and Dean were stuck in a Cold War stalemate for the next two weeks only speaking when passing a message from Bobby to the other. Both Bobby and Garth agreed the two were being foolish and that things would never get better if no one stepped in, the boys being known for their stubborn and hardheaded nature of never letting go. So as Sam left for the day Bobby sent Garth and Dean inside, where Garth was to stage an intervention sort of thing. Locking the bedroom door as Dean sat on his bed he raised his eyebrow

“You planning on robbing me or something there buddy?” He laughed

“No Dean I plan to do something much worse to you.” Garth’s face was grim as he walked to the other side of the room grabbing the wooden chair from the desk and placing it in front of where Dean sat “We are going to talk.”

“About what?”

“Sam.”

Dean huffed, rolling his eyes “No we arent. I’m not sitting here for this.” he didn't even get the chance to stand before Garth shoved him back down

“You can't run from this. He is your brother, and I can see how broken you are without speaking to him.”

“He hasn't said anything either. He said things that I can't get out of my head okay?”

“He knows what he said was wrong, I know what he said hurt you Dean but you do have to think, was he wrong?”

Dean let out a breathe he had held as long as he could and tapped against his knee “You know so many times people have told me Cas is an asshole and I know what he did was wrong-”

“Then why do you keep going back to him?” Garth cut him off and it did take him a second to respond

“I love him, he is my life, I can't have a life without him Garth he knows so much about me and he is a part of me.”

Moving beside him Garth nodded “I get that, Dean I do, but look at his actions right? Imagine if Sam was in your spot and Jess treated him the way Castiel has treated you, what would you say to him?”

“If he loved her I would have to let him be with her.” Dean's voice sounded so unsure

“Dean.” Garth took his hand “I want you to tell me everything Castiel ever said to you that was mean and nasty and made you hurt.”

Taken aback his thoughts raced, not that he couldn’t remember but at the amount of examples he had. How long had he allowed Cas to verbally whip him? How deep did his insults run into the man Dean had become? Whenever Cas nit picked, and tore Dean down he vowed to change that aspect of himself to make Castiel happy. At the end of the day Dean had actually never became his own person just the one Cas wanted him to be ever since he was 16 he had been molded into the perfect boyfriend for Cas and that he realized wasn't a happy thing for him.

“H-He would tell me I was awful. I was ugly, I didn't deserve him, that I was dramatic and a bad guy and that I was stupid and that I was nothing.”

“Do you know how wrong he is? Dean you are and this isnt just some lie to make you feel better, you are the most beautiful, kind, selfless and wonderful man I have ever met. You put everyone ahead of yourself, you make me laugh more than I have in a long time, you help without asking and you deserve the world on your lap because you have sacrificed and broke yourself down and it’s time we started building you back up Dean, because once you see what I and everyone else around you do you will know how gorgeous you are inside, out and every other way.”

Dean choked back tears knowing how honest Garth was being. He wasn’t use to receiving such praise from people other than Sam, Bobby and other people he had known his whole life. Collecting fistfulls of the bedspread underneith him Dean nodded

“I am worth something. I’m not worthless and I didn’t deserve how he treated me. I didn’t deserve it.” He broke down pushing his palms to his eyes wiping the tears away “I didn’t deserve how he treated me Garth I didn’t” Garth hugged him

“You didn’t Dean, and you can live without him, I know you can. He doesn't get to destroy you again.”

“He doesn’t get to destroy me again.” Dean repeated, a new found power in his voice. This was his turning point in becoming his own man.

\----

Sam had made it around the supermarket twice before stopping in front of some fruit, rows over standing he caught the sight of the mop of dark chocolate hair that could only belong to Castiel. Making his way over he cleared his throat

“Hey Cas.”

Looking up Sam caught full glimpse of the deflated man. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken into his head, his hair now more up close was noticeably dirty and it was clear he had slept in the worn out t-shirt and jeans that hung from him.

“Oh, hi Sam. Didn’t know you were in town.” Castiel’s voice was just as dead as his appearance

“Got in a while ago. You alright? You’ve been standing here a while.”

Cas looked in front of him “You know. This stuff is what started the whole problem.” He picked up a handful of Kale “This is the stupid shit that ruined everything.” He threw it back down

“Uh-”

“How is Dean? He hasn't called me yet.” Castiel’s eyes snapped up straight to Sam’s giving him slight nerves

“He and I haven’t been speaking actually. We had a fight.”

“Oh. Thats terrible, you want to come back to my place? We can get drunk that’s unless you have something better to do.”

Sam thought about the state Castiel was in and how it probably wasn't a good idea to leave him somewhere alone. “Sure Cas. Let me just put my stuff back-”

 **  
**Cas grabbed the basket from Sams hands and shoved it onto a pile of carrots, taking Sam’s hand and dragging him back through the store and out the back exit, pulling him into the dark car that waited for them. **Within moments of the car taking off Sam knew this was the wrong idea.**


	9. Shots From Something Blue

*******Attention everyone, (aka the 5 people who are keeping up with this story) the next chapter will be our last in this thrilling adventure with the boys. I have enjoyed writing and seeing everyone's reactions. I owe you all so much and appreciate everything. Please enjoy this extra long chapter as my gift to you. Thank you all so much again and sorry for any feels you have left over***** ALSO THIS BROUGHT MY BETA TO TEARS AND IS NOT APPROVED IN THE FEELS DEPARTMENT BY HER**

 

****

The apartment was unpersonalized, bland and filled with empty bottles of alcohol as Cas pushed Sam into the main room shutting the door quickly behind them. Looking around Sam also took note of the framed picture of Dean and Castiel that laid on its back upon the center table, moving Cas grabbed two bottles from a cabinet and sat on the couch.

“How have things been Sam?” Castiel opened one bottle and sipped from the top

“Been better I guess, looks like you haven't exactly been doing too well for yourself.” Sam sat across from him

Cas laughed “Is it really that obvious?” taking a glance around the room the smile on his lips fell quickly “Yeah guess I have fallen into the gutter but what do you expect when the world hates me?”

“Nobody hates you Cas.” Sam took the bottle from the slender fingers and took a sip for himself

“Oh yeah? Check my emails, my voicemail is full of nasty things, can't even bother to scroll through a news page.”

Sam knew what Castiel was talking about, once the media picked up on his return to Dick they persecuted him, saying he was just like all the other victims and that he would end up dead and he made it okay for everyone to go back to those who beat them. It was a terrible situation that Sam couldn’t imagine himself in at all.

“It will blow over eventually, it has to. Just give it a little while and they will move back to trashy hollywood gossip.”

Cas nodded reaching back for the bottle “Hows that girl of yours? She out here too?”

“Uh- no we are on a break. Everything sorta got her worried you know? All the drama with Dean's drugs, you and him splitting and she just thought it was best.” Sam sucked his teeth “She thought I would end up like Dean, like we are the same person.”

With a slight scoff Cas shook his head “No you and Dean are two different people. So different. And fuck her for thinking you would be like him.”

“Hey don't talk about like her that way.”

“What? Your kidding right? Your girlfriend basically broke up with you because she thinks you are like your junkie dickhead crybaby brother. She is probably fucking some random guy right now, or maybe one of your college buddies, she show a liking in any of them? Maybe she did what I did, going out with him while you are out, lunch dates and quick fucks in random places. Trust me Sam things aren’t going to get any better from here.”

Sam let all the frustration and miserable feelings manifest into the one swing his fist made plunging into Castiel's defined cheek, knocking him off the couch. Getting up he kicked Cas straddling his hips and placing more fists full of his anger onto the bloodied face.

Grabbing hold of Sam’s shirt Cas pushed him off of him landing punches of his own, hearing the sound of Sams nose cracking after one of the harder hits gave Cas the chance to stand plunging the heel of his foot into Sam’s exposed stomach he looked down at the blooded boy.

“I never wanted this to happen, I had no problem with you Sam. Just Dean. He fucking. He screwed everything up! He made everyone hate me and that’s not fair! I just wanted to be happy Sam” Cas paced the room pulling at his hair, hitting his palm against his forehead “I am hated for trying to be happy! That isnt fair!” He flew a hard kick into Sam’s jaw watching two teeth fall out from the now slack mouth

“C-Cas stop” Sam coughed the blood from his mouth “Please stop” Sam rolled, trying to stop his head from spinning and getting on his hands and knees, there was a faint ringing in his ears as he leaned against the couch attempting to stand “No one hates you Cas- I don't hate you. I want you to be happy, how can you be happy?”

Cas stopped staring at the bloody man thinking about the possibilities of the question “How can I be happy?”

“Yeah Cas anything you want- What will make you happy.”

“Get Dean to come here. Alone. I want Dean to come here alone. He can't leave and he can't yell at me. He can't fucking yell at me Sam!”

“Okay Okay he won't yell at you I promise he won't yell at you. But I am just gunna go back to Bobby’s and grab him okay?” Sam leaned against the wall, trying to stay upright without vomiting, making his way for the door

Cas grabbed the back of the taller man’s shirt, pulling him down to the floor “No! You can't leave! What if someone saw you like that Dean would never come if he saw you like that! He would yell at me and you said he wouldn't yell at me Sam!” Castiel was looming over Sam, a crazed look in his eyes

Wincing from the pain shooting through his spine Sam nodded “He won't yell Cas! I promise just stop it!” removing his phone from his pocket he held it up “I will call him? Get him to come down here and talk okay? Then I can leave right?”

“No no not until he talks to me you need to watch make sure he doesn’t yell at me.”

Sam nodded, knowing as his bloodied finger clicked Call he was sentencing both him and his brother to possible death.

\---

“Hey Sammy, where are you?”

“I am at Cas’ place. I uh need you to get down here.”

Dean heard that he was on speaker phone, he also heard the panic that resonated in his brother voice

“Why?”

“I got drunk here and can't drive. Come pick me up and don't yell. Dean. Listen to me. Do not yell at all when you are here got it?” Sam sounded more strained with each word “Hurry and come over Dean. I have to go. See you in a few.”

The call ended and Dean knew something was seriously wrong. Sam didn't sound drunk, he sounded as if a gun was being held to his head. His whole body froze, Cas wouldn't. Cas couldnt. Sprinting down the stairs and into the shop he ran around like a chicken with its head cut off

“Garth! Garth where are you! Bobby!?” Dean's voice echoed through the whole place, causing the heads of 3 other workers to pop up

“Dean? What’s wrong thought you laid down for a nap?” Garth and Bobby were walking towards him from the office

“Sam just called, something is wrong I gotta get down to Cas’ place if I am gone for more than an hour call the cops and get us out of there.” Dean's hands were waving all over the place

“Slow down, slow down boy. Why is Sam at Cas’?” Bobby asked

“I don't know! But I need to go! Just remember what I said okay?” Dean gave Garth a chaste kiss before he took off out of the garage, praying his brother was going to be alright by the time he got there.

\---

Castiel wrapped the rope tightly around Sam’s wrists and ankles making sure to knot them. He slapped Sams face, as his eyes had been fluttering shut

“You need to stay awake! You have to watch Sam you have to watch!”

Sam nodded weakly as knuckles hit against the door

“Sammy!? Cas? Open the door.” Dean's voice echoed in

Cas smiled, seeming to have lost all grip on reality he walked to the door undoing the locks and opening it to Dean embracing him

“Dean! You got here so fast, I am so happy you are here.” Castiel pulled Dean in, shutting the door tightly behind them

“Happy to be here Cas.” Dean glanced around searching for Sam, finding him on the other side of the room tied up

“Sam? Cas what happened?” He kept his voice soft, reminding himself of Sams warnings not to yell

“Sam attacked me Dean he started hitting me I had no choice but to defend myself.” Cas pushed himself against Dean’s chest tears brimming “He was so scary, you don't understand how loud he was being. You need to do something about him Dean. You need to do something for me.”

“Like what?” He cast a glance at Sam whose eyes were near bugging out of his skull at the lies Castiel was spewing

“You owe me Dean, you need to be with me, stay with me, take care off all this blood your brother left on my carpet. You need to take care of me Dean right? You take care of those you love and you love me. I am the one you love.”

Dean was staring at Sam as Castiel grabbed his jaw, turning it towards him “Tell me you love me Dean. Say it! Say you love me!”

Dean stared into the blue eyes in front of him. He had seen those eyes feel every emotion at one point or another but these eyes, these eyes that now intruded his personal space held no emotion that he could describe the only thing rushing to his mind to set a name to the look was insane.

“I love you Cas. I love you. Let me take care of you okay? Let me take care of everything.” Dean put on his fakest smile and kissed the blood covered forehead “Can you go into the bathroom? I am gunna grab you some nice clean clothes and then I will come help you clean up all those cuts okay?” Dean struggled to keep his composure as he kissed Castiel softly

Smiling and nodding “Anything you say Dean.” Cas cast a chilling glance at Sam as he walked to the bathroom and shut the door

Rushing over Dean attempted to set Sam free, only managing to get his feet free before the cold barrel of a gun pressed against the back of his head

“Why couldn’t you just make me happy?” Castiel was crying, sounding like a child

“I will make you happy Cas, I can make you.” Dean was cut off by the feeling of having the gun whipped against his skull sending him to the floor vision going spotty as a gunshot rang out

\----

His wrists burned and head pounded as his vision returned, he was no longer on the floor but laying spread out on a bed with his hands and feet bound. Attempting to break free of the ropes that restrained him he noticed what hung from the walls, drawings- drawings of him. Different memories played out along the walls, each incredibly detailed and correct- from the best to the worst of the 7 years Castiel and him dated every significant thing surrounded him. Breathe picking up he struggled against the ropes more with the realization that he had no bullet wounds but had definitely heard a gunshot.

The doorknob turned and Dean’s body went rigid with the sight of Cas walking through the doors, blocking the view out of the room.

“Dean, you are finally awake!” He sounded chipper as he walked over settling himself beside Dean on the bed, running his fingers along the others jawline

“Cas where is Sam?”

“Why do you need Sam? You have me, or am I not enough for you now that you have Garth.” The name sounded wrong coming from Castiel's demented lips

“I just want to know if he is alright and you are enough Cas you are always enough for me you know that.”

“Obviously I am not enough if you keep asking for other people. You need to focus on me Dean, I am the one you love.”

“I know Cas- I know I am stupid. I’m sorry baby.” Dean felt sick to his stomach with himself but knew it was needed for survival “Can you untie me? I want to show you how much I love you.”

Cas smiled sweetly for a moment “Really? You are sorry?”

Dean nodded “Yes so much Cas I’ve been so lost without you.”

Castiel beamed with this new information and got to work releasing Dean “You don’t know how happy that makes me Dean I thought you would hate me for everything but oh finally we can be happy and everything can be put in the past and we can finally start living again! Maybe we can go back to New York huh? Doesn't that sound great?” Cas wrapped his arms around him once he was completely free “I love you so much Dean.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas before reaching up and grabbing his throat tightly pushing the smaller man underneath him using all of his strength to strangle him. Castiel pushed against him struggling to breathe but managed to hit Dean hard enough in the side that his grip loosened enough for Cas to gain air.

Knowing he had limited time Cas punched hard into Dean's gut, causing him to roll off the smaller boy who leaned over and grabbed the gun from the side table, pointing it directly at Dean

“You lied to me!”

“Cas-”

“No! I am sick of you Dean Winchester! You do nothing but lie and hurt people and I hate you!”

The gun fired as police charged in, Dean's world once again went black.

\----

_They had been together for 2 years and Cas was visiting for the holidays as always. Dean had spent weeks planning their time together not wanting to waste any of it but as luck would have it Dean caught the flu a day before Castiel was to arrive. Once in the cozy Kansas home Castiel laughed at the scene laid before him, Dean Winchester one of the most ‘rough and tumble nothing takes me down’ kind of guy was curled up on the couch with a cup of tea in one hand, a flimsy old blanket around him and Dr.Who playing on the television._

__

_“Dean?” Cas spoke softly not knowing if the ill boy was awake_

__

_“Cas! When did you get here? Sam was suppose to tell me when you got here.” Dean was congested and now pouting with semi-swollen lips_

__

_Castiel stifled a laugh and sat beside his sick boyfriend, resting a kiss in the pine scented hair “I just walked in, do you know how adorable you are?”_

__

_“Stop, you will get sick.” Dean coughed trying to hide away from Cas, genuinely not wanting to ruin his trip_

__

_Castiel sighed and smiled “Dean you pull away from me one more time and you aren’t getting kissed for the rest of the time I am here even if you get better.”_

__

_Dean leaned back over quickly “I would hate that I really would”_

__

_Cas smiled and gave him a deep long kiss “I missed the hell out of you, you know that right?”_

__

_Dean only smiled in response, falling into another kiss with the love of his life._

-

Beeping crashing a yell then back into the Black Dean went.

-

_“Castiel stop it!” 20 year old Dean shouted from the lawn as his belongings laid about in the snow_

__

_“Why should I huh!? You wanted to fucking leave me! I am letting you leave! I am helping you! Good fucking riddance!” Cas shouted tossing out Dean's guitar_

__

_Whistling Gabriel walked up “What happened this time Dean-o? Primadonna wanted Red Lobster and you told him KFC?”_

__

_“Very funny Gabe.” Dean ran to catch more of his falling objects “I asked him if I could take Sam out to California in a week or two. Leave him back to watch the house, get some alone time with Sammy before he choses a school you know? I miss the kid and things haven't been great around here.”_

__

_“I noticed. You two lovebirds have been at each others throats for the past four months.”_

__

_“I just can’t seem to make him happy anymore Gabe, every other day he thinks I am cheating or about to walk out on him when I am just going to grab milk. Can you go up and talk to him?”_

__

_“Gabriel! Don't you dare come up here or I swear to God Almighty I will throw out every Casa Erotica I can find in here!” Castiel shouted down at the two_

__

_“Wish I could help you man, wish I could help.”_

__

_“Can you atleast help me pick up my stuff?” Dean looked exasperated at the clothing covered lawn_

__

_“Sure, better out here than in there.”_

\---

Talking. Someone is talking. Dean heard Garth say his name but he couldn’t move or reach out for anything but darkness

\---

_They sat on the hood of the impala, Castiel in Dean's lap as he stroked the soft skin. It was fall and the leaves seemed to swim through the gusts of wind and land directly on the two of them._

__

_“Dean?”_

__

_“Yes Angel?”_

__

_“Where do you see us in 5 years?”_

__

_“5 years? Baby you just graduated.”_

__

_“That was a year ago Dean, come on, I mean it, where do you see us?” Castiel sat up leaning his back against Dean's chest kissing the boys fingers and entwining them in his own on his lap “5 years, where do you see 20-something year old Dean and Castiel?”_

__

_“Okay” Dean kissed Cas’ cheek “I see us in a city, maybe New York?”_

__

_“I love New York!” Castiel smiled causing Dean to laugh_

__

_“I know baby. Us in a tiny apartment where you can crap and reach the oven from where you are sitting tiny so no matter where I go I get to look at you.” Dean squeezed Cas against him as the wind picked up “I see us happy, I see us starting our lives and truly being happy knowing we have each other.” Dean removed one of his hands and stuck it in his pocket, taking a box out “And I see you as my fiance, if you will say yes.” Dean opened the box that held a simple band with the name Angel engraved on it_

__

_Castiel screamed and pressed dozens of kisses against Dean's lips_

__

_“So was that a yes?”_

__

_“Dean Winchester I can't wait to spend the rest of my life happily with you.” Dean smiled as the last thing he saw was the heavenly blue of his first loves eyes._

**  
There was no waking up from the final memory. Just the resonating blue that guided Dean to the hazy outlines of Sammy with their mother and father.**


	10. Something to Forget, Something to Remember, Something to Regret, Something to Fear

*******LAST CHAPTER AHHHHHHH!!!! But really guys, this third installment? is that what I should call it? whatever this story has been MY FAVORITE out off all the ones I think. Heart wrenching twists and turns and now here are our boys the end of the road..... WELL NOT REALLY SINCE I WILL BE PUTTING OUT THE FOURTH AND OFFICIAL FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THIS WHOLE LONG ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I know who writes this many things based off of one original fic? Lets retrace our steps okay, we went from Online Angel to The Trail That Leads Me Back To You and now here we are at the close of Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue and very soon we will be beginning Story number 4, which currently has no title. I want to thank my readers you all are so amazing, to those who comment and leave kudos thank you you all rock! I hope some of you follow into the ending of this whole thing but understand if you don't. I appreciate everything you have done for me, writing these fanfictions have been a much needed outlet for my own personal problems, I hope you all enjoy this and my other works, Please Enjoy*******

 

All he felt was pulling being dragged away from all he ever wanted in the world, the sensation was terrifying and seemed as if thousand of hot knives were being stabbed into his chest. His muscles were tensed and flailing on the table, around him everyone was yelling his name but only one rung through clear as bell, Garth was calling his name.

****

\--

****

It was a heart wrenching 3 days. The shootings, the death and the resurrection of Dean and now the media coverage that crowded the hospital halls surrounding Dean’s room all put the pressure fully on Garth and Bobby. The two men had heard the shot ring out from outside the apartment days ago and knew that nothing was ever going to be okay again. Castiel was in custody but had been quickly transferred to a mental hospital after violently harming himself.  

The news networks had taken up a storm, saying that things like Dick and his negligent family and the new relationship Dean was in had pushed a sweet, good Catholic boy into insanity. They persecuted Dean calling him a rebel, a drop out looking for attention and drama, an orphan who wanted to take advantage of all the things only a man like Castiel could give him who pulled in his little brother, his now dead brother who had the world on a platter in front of him a future to look forward to.  The country sopped it up, feeding into the story they were given, that Dean was the villain, Sam the tragic casualty and Castiel the misunderstood victim of it all.

He was stable, the machine beeped steadily and slowly as Garth held the abnormally pale hand in his own. Oxygen tubes sat in his nose and drugs were pumped into his veins from every which way they could, and there was nothing Garth could do to help. Bobby couldn’t bare to sit with the boys any more, the funeral still had to be planned and there were lawyers to speak to and lives that had to be rebuilt from a fire that destroyed everything.  With a telescope lenses on the men’s lives everything was going to come clean, and Garth was deeply worried about what events were coming as the aftermath.

****

“Dean… I don’t know if you can hear me but I pray you can. Things are getting so much worse out here, part of me is glad you are unconscious for this part of this great big mess.” Garth squeezed his hand “I don’t know what we are going to do. People are going to- You are going to find things out about me that aren’t pretty and they might change the way you think of me but Dean- Dean I need you to know that nothing and I mean nothing will change the way I feel about you and the way you look in my eyes.” He placed soft kisses along each knuckle and gently stroked the bruises that stained the perfect skin of his wrists “Even now you are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen in this world, I don’t know what I would do if I had lost you Dean.” Tears sprung to his eyes as he wept over the limp body of a broken man, a broken man Garth would do anything to see open his eyes again.

****

\--

****

The table was too cold, the lights were too bright and the handcuffs held him too tightly. Castiel was alone in the room, waiting for more people to come and question him for the thousandth time. He was still covered in the blood of not only one Winchester but two, his hair was matted and his body reeked of sweat a physical representation of what he felt mentally in this moment. Cas was tired, he was drained and his body screamed with every movement his muscles begging for sleep.

****

“Castiel Novak right?” A man dressed in a nice suit walked in with a cool smile across his lips “I am your lawyer, Dick sent me.”

****

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief “Thank god, am I leaving this horrid place?”

****

“Uhhhh no ‘fraid not. But it's okay you aren't going to jail or prison, I got you set up in a cushy mental facility a few hours away.” The man sat beside Cas

****

“Oh. How long will I have to be there?”

****

The balding man stared at him for a moment “Mr. Novak, you aren't going to be getting out. Any jury will see what you have done and convict you. I believe our best chance is to plead insanity.”

****

“But I’m not insane.”

****

Opening his briefcase then pulling out a rather thick file “You shot Sam Winchester between the eyes, killing him instantly after leaving him with extreme wounds then you proceeded to restrain Dean Winchester to your bed in a room filled with ranges of drawings of the man, then in a final act of violence you shot the man twice once in the shoulder and another in his side.”

****

“I meant to shoot his head! The police coming through the door scared me and i moved. See? I didn’t mean to do what you said I did.” Castiel was so far gone no one could reach him

****

“Mr. Novak do you trust me, and Dick?”

****

“Of course I trust Dick.”

****

“Then you will allow me to plead insanity. And you won't repeat what you just said to me to anyone else. You understand?”

****

Castiel nodded and watched the man leave rubbing his face. His mind was fuzzy and since no one seemed to be coming in to see him again he laid his head down onto the table and drifted off to sleep.

****

\--

****

Garth set down the newest balloons to have arrived for Dean, attached was another prayer card that offered condolences to loved ones from complete strangers. Four more days filled with media, lawyers and doctors telling him Dean could wake up at any moment and it was odd that he hadn't already woken up. Bobby was on a warpath to get Castiel locked in a real jail not some 5 star spa that was passed off as a correctional facility for the mentally insane, claimed it was a crock of shit and how if things were reversed Dean's head would be on a spike in the capital.

****

“Well Dean” He looked at the scribbled writing “Lydia, Scott and Liam send their love and prayers that you get better soon.” Sitting beside the unconscious man he took the hand he had become accustomed to holding and squeezed it “I hope they are right, that God hears the prayers and wakes you up. I miss you more than you could imagine.”

Over their short time knowing each other Garth had become attached to the snarky wips and taunts from the green eyed man, the full body laughter and the reassuring way Dean would place a soft kiss against his cheek letting him know that not only were his feelings reciprocated but that every day they grew closer to becoming more. His only hope was that by some miracle, by the grace of God Dean would open those eyes and gaze at Garth once more.

****

\---

****

He wasn’t floating or stuck to the ground in any form, he just existed. Nothing was real, that he knew. As he walked around a field he occasionally lept from the Earth and saw different scenes playing out; was this how God felt? Watching people’s lives from afar, letting tears be spilled and hearts be broken, if this was God’s daily agenda then Dean understood why he let things happen. Not being able to grab ahold of anything solid aside from his own self was near unbearable.

He stepped into the scene he had been staring into for hours.

****

“Again Cas? Really?” Dean picked Castiel off the couch and laid him into their bed stroking the thick dark hair, the man still asleep. Watching the soft breathes escape the chapped lips and the slight twitches of the deep eye lashes Dean felt something missing in his chest. He had feared this for a long time and the fact it was becoming a truthful thing to him bloomed the sensation of guilt.

****

“Cas, I know you are asleep but we need to talk and I don’t feel safe saying this while you are awake.” Taking a deep breath and biting onto one of his nails Dean mustered up the courage “I don’t love you like I use to. I don't know if I love you at all anymore, not the way we were, not the way I want us to be. This place, this city it's-it's no good for us but I know you love it all the lights out the window, how it's never quiet here. You get so excited every time you say how much you love this place and I can't stand seeing you so upset Castiel I do love you but I’m not in love with you. I am not in love with you anymore and I want to leave.” Dean looked down at the face of the man, he was still sound asleep.

****

With a heavy weight semi-lifted off his chest Dean walked to the bathroom. That's where his memory of the scene cuts but what astounds him is when he sees Castiel sit up and glare at the bathroom door. Getting closer to the scene he can tell the cogs in Cas’ head are now turning. This was the moment, the exact moment Castiel chose to ruin Dean's life.

****

-

****

He had sat in the middle of the field not observing anything but simply picking the petals from a flower, he had been replaying his mistakes in his mind. How had they ended up here? Was it truly all on Dean's shoulders?

 

“No.” The voice was familiar but more high pitches since Dean last heard it

****

15 year old Castiel stood in front of him, wearing a sweater vest and khakis looking just as Dean recalled when they first exchanged pictures.

****

“Cas?”

****

“Well yes, but not as you know me to be.”

****

“What the hell does that mean?”

****

“Cas is the boy you love, and sadly not even I am him.” The boy sat beside Dean

****

“Why are you here?”

****

“To help you of course, why else would you have manifested me?”

****

Dean nodded even though he didn't understand a thing that was going on

****

“This won't be a easy journey Dean, it will hurt, these realizations you will remember but you must keep in mind that you have to work through each of them.”

****

“What? We are doing this now?”

****

“No, I am afraid it's time to wake up.”

****

“Wait then when am I suppose to do this realization thing?”

****

“You will find the time, but someone is waiting for you on the other side, someone who has been waiting very patiently.”

****

Dean had no time to think before the burning sensation began again. He screamed out as

his eyelids slapped open to reveal the bright light above him, his heart racing a mile a

minute.

****

“Nurse!” was the first words that greeted him back into the land of the living.

****

\----

****

The news reached Castiel, Dean Winchester was alive and awake. He smiled at the

camera

****  
“Please tell Dean hello from me.” The thin lips curled with a grin as the bright blue eyes of Heaven began planning how to create Hell on Earth for Dean Winchester once again.** **


End file.
